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Deen's Vents & Quips

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by Braswell D. Deen, Jr.

Limerick & Song honoring Lois Helen J. Shortt

Limerick

Alma Lois married Waycross Bill,

First came Sid, later then came Sil,

At her age eighty seven,

She is not yet in Heaven,

Today, Lois is still not over the hill!

 

Birthday Song

Hear sweet music,

Now softly saying,

We all admire you.

May, from our hearts,

Come these words we, 

Truly, all do love you.

Alma, Athens, Cornelia,

Your fond memories too,

Saying once again, love, 

Happy Birthday, to you! 



Four Men:

  1. Knows not, and knows not that he knows not; avoid him.

  2. Knows not, and knows that he knows not; educate him.

  3. Knows, but knows not that he knows, wake him up.

  4. Knows, and knows that he knows; he's a leader, follow him!



Four Applicants:

  1. “I can drive your coach six feet from the rim; a good view.

  2. I can drive your coach three feet from the rim; a better view.

  3. I can drive your coach on the rim of the precipice; the best view.

  4. I can drive your carriage thirty feet from the rim: a safe but good view.”

    (The latter got the job.)

 

Four Honeymoons:

  1. “Bride stood by the window all night looking out; her mother told her there would never be another night like this and she didn’t want to miss anything.

  2. Old maid bride knitted a lot of night caps; she had watched the hens and roosters in her chicken yard and she wanted something to protect her head.

  3. Groom had been married twice. A friend asked him to compare honeymoons. He replied I remember Niagara on the first, and it was Viagra on the second.

  4. Groom asked Bride to put on his pants. She said I can’t wear your pants. He said yes, I will wear the pants in the family. She said put on my pants. He said I can’t get into your pants. She said no, and we don’t want to hear of  your rants.”

 

Four Views of Art:

“Edward Degas is a well known French Impressionist Artist. “Most who vent think the Degas is what you put in Detank of Decar.” “Likewise, many venters think that Degas is what makes da Van Gogh.”  “It takes so much Monet to make da van Gogh, one fill-up and you’re Baroque.” It takes lots of Mona to Lisa de car to Goya and makes de van Gogh.”



Four Golfers:

“A beautiful shapely blond young girl played golf in a foursome with a son, father and grandfather. They had never met her but she advised that she served drinks at a local tavern. She was a terrific golfer and they watched her on every shot. At the 18th hole she was about 3 feet from the pin and if she could hole the putt she would score a par round of 72. She stated that whoever gave her the best advice as to sinking the putt she would take them home, cook a good steak, bottle of wine and celebrate. The son spoke up and said play the ball two inches to break right; the father said no, at least four inches to break right; the grandfather spoke up and said I know more about this game than they; he picked up her ball and said this is just  a “Gimme”, and asked the young lady “my car or yours?”



Four words:

  1. “Forgive. I am so very sorry, please, forgive me of my error.

  2. Help. We can work this out and I will do what I can to help.

  3. Love. Thank you for being you and I want you to know I love you.

  4. Us not Me. We all must focus on using Us more and using Me less.”



Four Thoughts:

  1. “Hungry I come to you for I know you will always satisfy.

  2. I am empty, but I know your love, will never ever run dry.

  3. Broken, I run to you, for your arms are always open wide.

  4. I am weary but I know your touch will always in me abide.”

 

Four Crosses:

  1. “Cross a crocodile with an abalone, and you get a crock of baloney.

  2. Cross two dogs, a setter with a pointer and you can get a poinsettia.

  3. Cross a bulldog with a shiszu and you get a tremendous pile of BS.

  4. Cross an alligator with a good looking blond; its see you later gator.”

 

Five Most Constipated Men in the Bible:

  1. “It was Cain; he was not Abel.

  2. It was Noah; he passed nothing but water for forty days and nights.

  3. It was Moses; he took two tablets and went up into the hills.

  4. It was David; he sat on the throne for forty years.

  5. It was Solomon, with a thousand wives, he had a problem getting into the bathroom.”

Query: Can you name Noah’s wife? Answer: Joan of Arc.

 

Dead Right:

“Here lies the body of Minnie Mae, maintaining she had the right of way,

and she was right, dead right, but, she’s just as dead, as if she was wrong!”

 

Acts 2:38:

“A religious lady’s home was being robbed. When she saw the robber she shouted Acts 2:38. The robbed stopped in his tracks and did not move. When the police arrived they asked the robber why he did not flee the house. He said, when she told me she had an Axe and two thirty eights I was scared to death and couldn’t move.”

 

Einstein’s Relativism:

“There was a man named Bright,

Who could move faster than light;

He went out one day,

In a most relative way:

And, came back the previous night.”



Knott & Shott:

“There was a man named Knott,

Who, had a friend named Shott;

They both decided to have a duel,

Knott got shot,

Shott was not;

Sometimes its better to be Shott than Knott.”



Busy Bees:

“This is the story of the busy bee,

Whose sex is very hard to see;

But he can tell, and so can she.

Busy bees are never still,

And have no time to take their pill;

That’s why in times like these,

There are so many sons of bees!”



Are America’s moral standards really evolving?

Or, instead just a secular downward devolving?

There appears no wrong or right,

Common sense has taken flight,

It seems our country’s values are now dissolving!



To Monkey Around:

Albert Schweitzer: has said: “Tell them all about Darwin, only take care not to use the word ‘Monkey’. ”George Bernard Shaw: “What he repudiated was cousinship with the ape, and the implied suspicion of a protruding coccyx rudimentary tail, because it was offensive and repugnant to his sense of his own dignity, and because he thought apes were ridiculous, and tails diabolical when associated with the erect posture.”

Downward, Upward, or maybe its just a fairy tale for adults, and never happened.

Many intellectuals, who have educated themselves beyond their own comprehension,

Believe literally, without supporting scientific evidence, that humans are devolving

Downward  toward apes, monkeys and baboons, which is denominated devolution;

Others, follow the sub-title to Darwin’s book of “preservation of favorite races in the

Struggle of life,” placing their faith in the monkey-ape  upward to humans, evolution;

Either theory, requires that all humans, with erect posture, possesses a protruding tail.

Many thousand scientists believe, based on scientific evidence this is a whale of a tale.

Devolution and Evolution explanations may be for the birds, or a kind of fairy tale for

Adults. Students should hear all the pro and con evidence of both. Its, a good solution!

 

Origin’s Inspections: (An unpublished song).

 

Darwin’s Evolution, of the Monkey, into a Man,

Is just a theory about, our humans past life-span;

It suggests that all men and the animals are akin,

And about this debate, is it really facts or a spin?

 

Do humans and apes, share, a common ancestor?

Do they claim by plan or chance? This is a tester.

Animals may ask, am I really, a keepers brother?

And, is this self evident? Should we look further?

 

Does the kissing of a frog, turn it into the Prince?

Passage of Geological Ages, does this, convince?

When the explanation of origins, is, today  taught,

Scientific strength and weakness, must be sought!

 

In the beginning, was it really longtime evolution?

Or an original abrupt appearance, a non-evolution?

Students must study and examine scientific evidence

Of Devolution, Evolution and Non-Evolution; sense?

 

Both Survival of the Fittest, and a Natural Selection,

Require study and review of evidence and inspection.

The pro and con evidence calls for careful reflections,

For student academic choices, educational directions!

 

Lou Dobbs Limerick:

Lou’s, an illegal alien , agitater,

CNN’s comment commontater;

He is not a spectater,

Hesitater or dictater;

But really, a Dobbs sweettater!

 

Bill O’reilly Limerick:

Bloviator Bill is just a big agi Tater,

A comic, comment, common Tater;

He is not, a spec Tater, a hezzi Tater,

Emma Tater, or, pin head dick Tater,

Bill’s looking out for the folks, he’s a

Popinjay, thus, a truculent sweet Tater.

 

A published song written by the author:

Marie & Me, Let It Be!



One’s from Alma, the other from Rome,

Atlanta and Cumming, they now call home;

A little arthritis, a replacement knee,

Marie & Me, Let it be, Oh, Let it be.

 

Filling an empty cup, can be sublime,

At their age, there’s just enough time;

If he likes she, and if she likes he,

Marie & Me, Let it be, Oh, Let it be.

 

I could be yours, and you could be mine,

A hug and a kiss, is like good wine;

Dancing together can be, Oh My Oh Gee,

Marie & Me, Let it be, Oh, Let it be.

 

She is his gal, and he is her beau,

Fascination steps, will do the Tango;

Blending together, rhythm is the key,

Marie & Me, Let it be, Oh, Let it be.



There’s a porthole in their state room,

Looking at the stars, observing the moon;

Strolling on deck, the crows nest we see,

Marie & Me, Let it be, Oh, Let it be.



Often weak, but trying to be strong,

Hopefully right, but sometimes wrong;

Our acts and deed’s, are for all to see,

Marie & Me, Let it be, Oh, Let it be.

 

Just a little closer, walk with thee,

Walking arm in arm, so all can see;

That they suit each other to a tee,

Marie & Me, Let it be, Oh, Let it be!

 

May the Prince of Peace:

Lifts up your spirit,

Enhance your love,

Spring in your step,

Best is yet to come.



Old friends, best friends,

Ranks, are growing thin,

If, we make new friends,

We won’t be left has been’s!

 

We love you like a rock,

SOLID!

Braswell Deen

3/25/07